Yesterday I made a Holy Hour for the first time in far too long. Between moving to a new city and starting medical school, my prayer life has suffered. Every Sunday when I go to Mass, I find myself realizing how much I miss the Lord - how much I wish I had devoted more time to Him during the week. So yesterday, I finally managed to get myself down to the church before the Vigil Mass to spend some time with the Blessed Sacrament.
How good our God is! How marvelous a gift we have in the Blessed Sacrament, and in the Church. It was so very wonderful to rest in the arms of Christ for even a little while. Even though I had been away for so long, He welcomed me back unreservedly.
I brought with me a small book of Mother Theresa's writings that a friend of mine gave me when I first started discerning religious life. I opened it to the section on 'Love' and read:
What we need is to love without getting tired. How does a lamp burn? Through the continuous input of small drops of oil. What are these drops of oil in our lamps? They are the small things of daily life: faithfulness, small words of kindness, a thought for others, our way of being silent, of looking, of speaking, and of acting. Do not look for Jesus away from yourselves. He is not out there; He is in you. Keep your lamp burning, and you will recognize Him.*
Those words brought to my mind the parable of the virgins** who waited with their lamps outside of the Bridegroom's chamber. And I thought - Lord, that is who I want to be! A virgin waiting outside Your chamber, with my lamp lit by tiny drops of love for You. Waiting with my sisters until that great wedding feast, when we shall have no need for lamps, "for the Lord God shall give [us] light" (Rev 22:5, NAB).
I am easily drawn into despair - one of my greatest weaknesses, I suppose. It's so easy for me to think that I am wasting my life, wasting the great gift that God has given me, because I am not yet in religious life. But Mother Theresa's words are a good reminder that we all carry lamps for the Lord, and even now I can fill my lamp with the oil of love.
+Pax Christi
Sophia
*Mother Theresa, No Greater Love, p.22. Edited by Becky Benenate and Joseph Durepos. New World Library, 2001.
**The Parable of the Ten Virgins (Matthew 25:1-13, NAB)
Then the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones, when taking their lamps, brought no oil with them, but the wise brought flasks of oil with their lamps. Since the bridegroom was long delayed, they all became drowsy and fell asleep. At midnight, there was a cry, ‘Behold, the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’ Then all those virgins got up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ But the wise ones replied, ‘No, for there may not be enough for us and you. Go instead to the merchants and buy some for yourselves.’ While they went off to buy it, the bridegroom came and those who were ready went into the wedding feast with him. Then the door was locked. Afterwards the other virgins came and said, ‘Lord, Lord, open the door for us!’ But he said in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, I do not know you.’ Therefore, stay awake, for you know neither the day nor the hour.
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