A little more real

So today I open up my email, and there is a message from Mother MP, with postulant information forms! Immediate joy and excitement shot through my body. It's only been a week of waiting, but somehow it seems so much longer ;)

Oh, Jesus, but fear and weakness overtake me. Who am I to be considering this? What, even, is it that I'm considering? It all seems so unreal.

Everything at school is about the next step. There are emails about summer research assignments and registering for my next bioethics class. Meetings about residency applications. Studying for boards. Talking about When We Are Doctors.

Jesus, I know that I cannot do this without You. I am so afraid that this is all me. That this is all some crazy thing I've made up in my head. Me? Be a sister?

But Mother said that the Sisters felt that I was called there. And what I felt from You there, Jesus - it is goodness beyond words.

My practical side is kicking in, of course, hoping to compensate. I filled out what I could of the forms. Need to schedule a physical and eye exam. Get baptismal records, etc. All those recommendations. Arrange for a psych consult. Gather all the things I'll need to take with me. Have that conversation with my family...

Aaaand in the meantime, stay afloat in school. Live in the present moment. Bless the Lord.

Remember sitting with the postulants at lunch. They're just regular girls like me. They did all of this - surely I can too.