This week I am making the "Busy Student Retreat" at school. Four days of spiritual direction and four nights of common prayer. Confession on Wednesday. Thank You, Lord, for this time to be alone with You in the midst of busyness.
The campus minister read this poem at the end of our closing prayer tonight, which I love:
The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
And say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was yourself.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life...
So I know the poem is maybe about "loving your true self", but it always makes me think of Christ. Because Christ is the One Who has loved me all my life. He is the One in Whom my true self is found. He is the One Who offers me His very Self in bread and wine, and who invites me to give Him back my heart, which has always been His, even when I wandered in darkness.
The question I am praying with during this retreat is how to live out the next nine months in faithfulness to the Lord and to my vocation. How to live with a spirit of joyful anticipation and prayerful preparation. How to prepare the wedding chest I will take with me to Alma - how to fill it with humility and devotion and love for the Lord. How to minister to those here with me now - my classmates, my professors, my patients, my friends. How to love my family more and more, and to let them struggle with this decision. How to trust in the One Who will be my Spouse (oh Lord - how utterly unworthy I am of that) that nothing is wasted, and nothing can keep us from His love.
Not even my own pride and selfishness could keep me away, Jesus. Your love is too powerful for that. You have won my heart - I wish to be Yours for all eternity.
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